The holidays are finally here (see: the defrosting turkey inside your fridge and the endless Black Friday sale ads for proof). The holidays are often dubbed the most wonderful time of the year for good reason; they’re a time for extended time off from work and school and all the celebrations mean lots of chances to see loved ones, relax and make new memories.
But sometimes the jam-packed season can invite stress and worry instead of excitement and relief. It’s not uncommon to have a bout of holiday stress as the year wraps up and social calendars and to-do lists fill. Flow Space spoke with two mental health professionals for tips to minimize holiday stress so you can focus on relaxing, connecting and enjoying.
Why Midlife Women May Struggle with Holiday Stress
The holidays can be stressful for anyone, but Melissa Divaris Thompson, a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Embracing Joy Psychotherapy, said that midlife women in particular are prone to feeling stressed and overwhelmed because it often falls on them to plan, host and manage the celebrations.
“I think there’s a lot of pressure to create kind of a magical experience for their children, spouses or families and this idea that they have to be ‘on’ and make the holidays extra special,” she said, adding that many women also might be dealing with grief, loss or the added pressures of caregiving. “A lot of times it falls on women to do the emotional labor of the holidays like gift giving, planning and handling difficult or challenging family dynamics.”
Add in the fact that many women are dealing with this on top of perimenopause and menopause symptoms that may include mood shifts, plus the winter blues, the general feeling of fatigue and malaise that comes from consistent dark, cold days.
But rest assured, there are ways to prevent holiday stress from taking over. Read on for seven ways to minimize and prevent holiday stress.
8 Tips To Relieve Holiday Stress
Remember, the Holidays Don’t Have to Be Perfect
It’s easy to get wrapped up in the idea of a perfect holiday, especially if you discuss your plans with friends or see what others are doing on social media. But the experts said cutting yourself some slack is always worth it. Don’t let comparison be the thief of joy and remember that even if something goes awry, it doesn’t mean everything is ruined.
“The pressure to socialize, perform and have a perfect holiday is taxing,” Dr. Carla Marie Manly, clinical psychologist, author of The Joy of Imperfect Love and host of the Imperfect Love Podcast, told Flow Space. “Lower your expectations and focus on what makes you feel joyful—and then do more of it without feeling the need to be perfect.”
Take an Honest Look at Your To-Do List
Another aspect of the holidays that can drive stress is a long check list of tasks. Manly recommended taking a “gentle, objective look” at what you need to accomplish and whittling it down accordingly.
As you look, as yourself: do you need to do everything? Is there anything you can outsource? Is there anything that isn’t urgent and can be moved back? Is there anything that upon second glance, you don’t actually have to do? These questions can
“When trying to please everyone, stress increases as lists become unwieldy and burdensome,” she explained. “Try to let go of the items that you feel you should do and retain those that you want to do.”
Build in Daily Self-Care
Make sure each day includes a little time for self-care. “Take daily time-outs for simple, rejuvenating self-care,” advised Manly. “Stress can creep in when you feel overworked or pulled in too many directions.”
Find something nice to do for yourself, whether it’s listening to your favorite podcast on a walk or simply carving out time each morning for a quiet coffee or tea break sans distractions. Even a micro-meditation or deep-breathing exercise counts, too.
If you live by your calendar, treat self-care like an appointment you can’t miss: just like you’d make a plan for everything you need to accomplish during the holidays, pencil in time to yourself. Even five minutes helps, said Manly.
Find Time to Be Creative
It’s also a great idea to work in some time to be creative in your medium of choice to relieve stress.
“If you’re feeling a bit down, your creative inner child might be the perfect mood booster,” said Manly. “When you dive into a rewarding creative project—whether its doodling, baking, knitting, or puzzling—your feel-good, mood-boosting neurochemicals start flowing.”
Tackle a new holiday craft, pick up a journal, do some adult coloring or any other calming, nourishing activity.
Practice Saying ‘No‘
One surefire way to increase holiday stress is to say ‘yes’ to everything. People pleasers, Manly proposed a challenge: practice gently saying ‘no’ to avoid overwhelm.
Creating healthy boundaries can help your self-esteem, she added, and prevent stress from taking root in the first place. Be polite yet firm and remember that ‘no’ it’s a full sentence.
Take a Time Out
When stress does creep up, it’s important to know what to do in the moment. One way to keep it at bay when it’s rushing in is to take a quiet time out. Remove yourself from the stressful situation for a breather to reset.
“All too often, we feel pressured to “be everything to everyone,” especially during the holiday season,” said Manly. “If you’re feeling low, give yourself permission to take a little time for yourself to read, take a nap or enjoy a cup of herbal tea.”
Make Space for Your Emotions
Don’t tamp down how you feel just to keep the holiday plans moving. If you feel overwhelmed, you should make time to feel and consider your emotions.
Check in with yourself to make sure you have plenty of space to get in tune with your feelings. If you need to take a pause, do so. Then, move onto activities and plans only when you are ready.
Don’t succumb to pressure to put your feelings aside just to keep plans or remain busy.
“For those who find themselves grieving, feeling alone or being triggered for other reasons, it’s important to honor your emotions and not feel pushed to ‘get over’ your sadness or grief,” said Manly.
Talk to Your Friends and Loved Ones (or a Professional)
Don’t carry stress by yourself. If the holidays kick up a lot of stress, lean on your community for support. Social interaction can help boost your mood and relieve stress.
“Although the winter season is busy, it can also trigger feelings of loneliness and depression,” said Manly. “If you’re feeling down, it might be a sign that you’re yearning for the company of a friend or connection with a loved one…even if you only have 30 minutes to spare, your mood will improve when you connect with a loved one.”
Make sure your schedule is peppered with plenty of phone calls, FaceTimes, and in-person meet-ups that fall outside of the bounds of holiday tasks or events.
If your stress is significantly impacting your ability to live your day-to-day, it may be a good idea to speak with a mental health professional. They can help investigate the root of the stressors and come up with detailed solutions and treatments, which may include therapy and medications.
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