Everyone has to juggle plenty of things over the holidays, but these parents have some tips on how to cut down and say no

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Many of the activities surrounding Christmas, including the magical part, are the result of a lot of extra work by a parent.
Too often, that same caregiver feels exhausted, over-stressed and not able to take delight in all they have worked to achieve.
Maggie Zinck of Fredericton, NB, is a mom of two children under the age of two and was recently seen maneuvering strollers, luggage, babies, passports and a dozen bags while preparing to board a flight for a getaway. She remained grounded and focused, despite hungry and overtired toddlers as well as the typical travel delays.
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Zinck knows all about stress and Christmas overload.
“A major way to reduce anxiety with the holidays is to be realistic with what you take on and how much you commit to. I found with starting a family, we had to find the balance of starting new traditions and keeping old ones.”
Deciding which tasks are necessary in addition to the ones that can be omitted or have them taken on by someone else.
Don’t go it alone
In the late 1980s, Marilu Hynes of Fredericton was expecting her fourth child when her family moved into a newly constructed house on the first day of December.
Hynes can now laugh at all she tried to accomplish in 24 days.
“The move, the unpacking of a three-storey house, decorating, wrapping and more left me overwhelmed, exhausted and emotionally unhinged,” she said. “It was a daily state that I felt burned out with commitments like getting two kids settled in a new elementary school.”
Looking back, she says, “My fatal flaw was believing I could do it all without asking for help. After that year’s Christmas, when I felt intense isolation and stress, I learned to ask for help and support.”
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Be specific when you reach out
Begin with accepting that it is OK to request assistance. For example, have a potluck meal rather than hosting the traditional Christmas dinner and cooking it yourself.
Focus on what you can pass off to others, such as obligations you do not take joy in and those which are time-consuming to those who have the time to assist you.
Requesting that a friend pick up gift cards the next time they are at the grocery or department store knocks another item off your list, is not an inconvenience and you can eTransfer the funds to pay for them.
Forget about dropping hints and just ask outright for help. Not everyone is able to assess your needs, so find your voice.
Doing errands will go much faster if you don’t have your kids in tow, so ask a neighbour, friend or ‘auntie’ to babysit. If your sitter has kids of their own, it is easy to swap looking after each other’s kids when one of you needs to get stuff done.

Doesn’t have to be perfect
Asking for help is the first step, says Laura MacLean of Fredericton.
“Stop assuming others will think poorly of you if you ask for help or do less. Tempering my desire for the picture-perfect Norman Rockwell Christmas by spending less money, baking fewer holiday treats and decorating less is how I found my balance.”
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If you are already longing for the end of December, it’s a sign of burn-out and you need to make some changes. Feeling paralyzed and unable to start or finish a task, becoming easily annoyed along with exhaustion both physically and mentally are all signs of being overwhelmed. Not paying attention to these symptoms can have them carried over into the New Year.
It’s time to accept that being imperfect is perfectly OK. Hit the pause button, take some deep breaths, light a few candles and soak in a bubble bath while you regroup.
Write a list
Make a list of priorities for your home and family. Consider shaving a few off immediately that are not necessary and only provide for ‘fluff’.
Delegate items that you feel confident passing off to a family member or friend and make a side note of those who could lend a hand, if needed.
This simple act should allow some perspective and your list should be well worn by the time Christmas gets here.
Using a physical list, one that is written on paper, will give you some satisfaction when you cross off each item. Be easy on yourself if something doesn’t get done. Let it go.
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Help throughout the year
Once the stress of the holidays is lifted, consider giving and receiving support on an annual basis.
Michelle Dore, of Douglas, NB, switches out things that make life easier for her family and friends – the give-and-take scenario.
“I help my family all year long and they do the same for me. Cooking meals, babysitting, taking kids to and from daycare and appointments. Everyone chips in and we all enjoy helping one another.”
If you can get a steady flow back and forth suitable for everybody, they may simply meld into the increased need at Christmas, leaving your sanity and gratitude intact.
Do it your way
“We also had to set some boundaries,” added Zinck. “We decided we wanted to spend Christmas morning at home with our kids, instead of making rounds to all the parents and siblings.”
That balance comes with setting limits and buffering the expectations. Put self-care on that list and you are going to start and remember that your family will love the little things you do to make the holidays special for them. However, they will not remember how many things you didn’t do. Staying at home to decorate the tree together while enjoying some treats from a local bakery and skipping the parade – especially on a day with rain teeming down – is more fun than task.
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